Maybe its true that this is not a path I'm supposed to take . ♥

Don't ask me how my results were ; chances are , I don't wanna talk about it .

Upon gazing at the certificate that I said would determine my future , disbelief flooded me . Even in my trials , never have I gotten so few A's in my life . Yes , 99% of the rest were Bs & B pluses , and although its only a C for chinese , I expected that C . And sadly unlike my borderline passes I had for a few particular subjects like moral , addmath and physics , I did better for them , yet I sacrificed the A's that I used to get .

If only those B pluses can turn into A minuses , at least . If only the pluses acted as a chance , with me being able to do something to upgrade it . If only I started studying earlier and not one month before .

The results were surreal in a sense that even if I did badly , I didn't expect this amount .

How can I do so badly ?

Results such as these , the society often judges you by the amount of a's , and is ignorant of the rest . I know it has been said that results don't determine who you are , and you're borneth into this world with a special talent ; purpose , somehow . But yet I struggle to find this "gift" .

Friends with straight A pluses also have certificates of great achievements that come along with it , those that don't are certainly outstanding in a certain sector of life . Me ?

I might as well say farewell to my veterinary dream . Am thinking of dabbling in the field of law .

I guess I also must say goodbye to my childhood dream of that white coat - something I have dreamed of since the age of 4 .

My chemistry lecturer once said , there are 2 a's , other than the ones in your cert. that determine who you are in life . Attitude and aptitude . Attitude ? I live in my own world . I do not look forward to my studies . Aptitude ? I have the memory of a cow . No wait , cows have better memory .

I feel like an empty shell stripped away with the things that used to define me . I do not care much about the judgement of the world ; not as much , as the disappointment that I feel towards myself .

I was blessed to be in this world . Friends are being a dear , giving every effort to comfort me , family , being supportive .

But sadly I cannot live up to what I want to be ; and I did not adhere to the principles I once held firm .