Reach for the moon, fall on the stars.

the girls from MJYF.

So, time to practice what I preach. Self transformation is a process that should be going on for life -  you should always seek ways to improve yourself. I'm going to do this publicly short term, ending probably, lets say - about the end of my semester break, August? I'll have exam (& results! eep!) to track my progress.

What I'm about to list down is somewhat personal, but I feel the need to list them down so I can really see where I go from here. Long term improvements are going to be something less public. These are short term, that produce results relatively fast.

(1) Outward appearances

(a) Body

I don't take good care of my body. I'm not talking about basic hygiene, but eep, maybe slightly more than basic? As I hit my 20s, I realize my skin isn't as supple as it used to be, pimples appear more frequently, I don't lose weight as fast as when i ate twice as much, my hair is always uncombed and messy- you get the picture. From today onwards, I resolve to eat healthier, make sure my nails are even, cleanse tone moisturize, eat more fruits, apply creams, exercise. Ooooh. & masks wont hurt, either.

(b) Dressing

I find myself throwing on the recent buy that I was so proud of - until the next recent buy, too often. I find that I like to wear the easiest and most comfortable item (most likely new) in the laundry pile and be done with it. I'm blessed with more clothes that I can wear. It's time I use them, or discard them. Impressions, like it or not, matter. I'm going to re-evaluate what i wear, and how i look to people.

(c) Personality

A series of unfortunate events have resulted in a massive loss in self confidence. I'm now conscious about everything - and self-demeaning, too. When I interact with people, I wonder how I would be judged. I find myself preferring a coffee in solitude than interacting with people. I was not like that a few years ago. I enjoy being out there. I just might not know how anymore. It's just time I get out of my comfort zone - and instead of being so dependent, I'm going to be independent. I resolve to be more friendly and approachable and stop self-blaming.

(2) Spiritual Life

I've found myself numb. "Maybe if I just feel sorry, it would be okay". I've lost the passion for many things in life, and am striving to find it again. So many questions about humanity and no specific answer leaves one very confused. I find myself just giving up. I know in my heart that God is a real God, who loves me very much.
So many questions and barely any answers - but the unexplainable strong conviction that God is real.
Events have led me to question many things but never the fact that He is real.
Time to really pick up some books on the matter - and stop pushing back a much needed talk with a spiritual mentor.


(3) Academics
I "WAS" smart. No, really, as the people who knew me during the first half of my life. I was brilliant. I never really studied, yet I could absorb facts just by learning it. I could sing amazing grace before I was two and was reading adult level books before I even set foot in primary school. Grades were always perfect and if not, just a few marks shy of perfect.
Then I don't know what happened.
Maybe it was just the combination of boys, clothes, makeup and friends.
The loss of the horrible Hello Kitty glasses and coconut bangs.
I blossomed outwards but shriveled inwards.

I just finished a paper not long ago. I studied. And it worked. I knew things! Hahaha. 
Now I'm going to try and get my grades up - my goal is either a double degree in business & psych - or an MBA straightaway. 


(4) Finance
I've been relatively blessed when it comes to financial matters - I'm able to go on impromptu holidays, I have more than enough material things, I have parents who aren't afraid to show they love me, be it with material gifts or spoken affections. I love shopping, I love pretty things as much as the next girl does. However, I'm not one to take my blessings for granted. I appreciate the individuals God has placed around me, and the financial blessings that come my way more often than not. I do indulge myself, but I manage my income pretty well for a person my age, if it were up to me to say.
Now instead of just managing and saving, I think I've come to a next level where investments should be made, even if it has to be minor ones. A trip to thailand is coming up, and im so blessed. A blogshop would be in order, of course. Now I have to put all the eggs God has blessed me with and trade them for bigger eggs, or even chickens. :P


(5) Self-esteem
It would be an understatement to say my self-esteem has decreased over the years. It has plummeted. I get shy when I feel inferior - which is usually around people I deem more intelligent or more attractive than me. The usual comfortableness I exude has been replaced by a shy exterior. It's time I overcome it - independently. I am the me I can be. Failures along the path called life has led me to self-doubt and overanalyze my every action. I aim to find a balance between the two, and be someone I'm comfortable being and proud of.

What are YOUR goals?

Day 1: Self transformation

Inspiration Board by erina-tsh featuring a silk sleeveless blouse

Inspiration Board 2 by erina-tsh featuring strappy sandals

Date Night by erina-tsh featuring racerback tank tops

3 looks that I'm currently obsessed with right now. I'm craving a trip to the land up north (Thailand) again this year to replenish my wardrobe, or rather, stuff to the brim. :S

My two wardrobes seem to be overflowing with clothes I don't really wear, but when it comes to throwing/ giving them away, theres always the sentimentality in it or "I'll pair it with a gorgeous skirt that I NEED to buy". I need to re-wear & re-use.

If you've been with me recently you'll notice that I hardly make effort in dressing up anymore. I guess as time went by I lost interest in the thrills of primping myself for special outings. Dressing up really does give a girl confidence, don't you girls agree though? I've spent a lot of time thinking for the past recent years about life and things that were supposed to be mundane.

A resolution I've made recently is to undergo a self makeover. I found myself stuck in a rut that seemed impossible to get out of. Ever feel that way sometimes? When the disappointments (in yourself or others), the stress and the helplessness of it all seem to get at you. 

This has been going on for a while now and I'm now resolved to not just let life pass me by but truly live it.

So if there are still people out there reading my abandoned blog, join me. Self improvement (overall) is a step by step process!

Day 1: Resolve.

List down the areas of your life that need improving. No, forget that. List down improvements that could be made to yourself. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually... Can't find any? Stop kidding yourself.

Things to note when resolving to self-improvement:

(1) Write it down, that way it's harder to procrastinate/forget about it.

I don't care whether you write it on your blog (like in my case), your facebook wall, your diary, or on your cats fur. Make sure the evidence is easily attainable and always accessible. If you see it often, the chances are, you'll do it more often. Even better - have an accountability partner. That way, it'll be harder for you to put it off.

(2) Be honest.

What do you really want to see changed in yourself? I recognize the term "be yourself" to be the worst form of self-assurance ever possible. I find that people, myself included, love using that term to get away with flaws and mistakes that they see in themselves. The correct form of self motivation should be "Be the best you that YOU can be". List them down, find ways to improve on them. What I did in the past was to accept them and come to terms with the fact that I'm forever doomed to be flawed in that area - constantly enveloping myself in self-guilt and blame, never moving forward in my life. Little did I know that it was also a form of self-denial that has caused my being stagnant the past few years. If you're unhappy with the way you are, or the situation you're in (and you can't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel), change begins with resolution.

(3) Be realistic.

I've heard motivational speakers and even pastors constantly repeating this strategy to attaining your goals. Again the saying "Reach for the stars" or "Impossible is the limitaton you set on yourself" seems to be something I find irrelevant. Sure, it sounds motivating, challenging - and some visionaries might even testify to these statements. The truth is, we can have a million dreams, but if all we see is just the bigger picture, we're not going to see the steps to get there. Break it down. What small achievements need to be attained first before you reach your ultimate goal? Do that. Don't list down things like "I want to look like Heidi Klum". Unless you're planning on a trip to your nearest plastic surgeon, that's not going to be attainable. Does that mean you shouldn't dream big? NO. Dream the largest dream you can. Go beyond. Just think of your to do list as a ladder. Break it down - achieving success, for a majority of the population, anyway, is a step by step process. Think, analyze. Being realistic is seeing whether the process of getting to your dream is within your capability. Being realistic is about thinking the unthinkable but yet, achieving these thoughts in a progressive, gradual manner. You'll find yourself going further that way. Or that's what the experts tell me, anyways.

I'll post mine tomorrow, for now, contemplate!