Maybe its true that this is not a path I'm supposed to take . ♥

Don't ask me how my results were ; chances are , I don't wanna talk about it .

Upon gazing at the certificate that I said would determine my future , disbelief flooded me . Even in my trials , never have I gotten so few A's in my life . Yes , 99% of the rest were Bs & B pluses , and although its only a C for chinese , I expected that C . And sadly unlike my borderline passes I had for a few particular subjects like moral , addmath and physics , I did better for them , yet I sacrificed the A's that I used to get .

If only those B pluses can turn into A minuses , at least . If only the pluses acted as a chance , with me being able to do something to upgrade it . If only I started studying earlier and not one month before .

The results were surreal in a sense that even if I did badly , I didn't expect this amount .

How can I do so badly ?

Results such as these , the society often judges you by the amount of a's , and is ignorant of the rest . I know it has been said that results don't determine who you are , and you're borneth into this world with a special talent ; purpose , somehow . But yet I struggle to find this "gift" .

Friends with straight A pluses also have certificates of great achievements that come along with it , those that don't are certainly outstanding in a certain sector of life . Me ?

I might as well say farewell to my veterinary dream . Am thinking of dabbling in the field of law .

I guess I also must say goodbye to my childhood dream of that white coat - something I have dreamed of since the age of 4 .

My chemistry lecturer once said , there are 2 a's , other than the ones in your cert. that determine who you are in life . Attitude and aptitude . Attitude ? I live in my own world . I do not look forward to my studies . Aptitude ? I have the memory of a cow . No wait , cows have better memory .

I feel like an empty shell stripped away with the things that used to define me . I do not care much about the judgement of the world ; not as much , as the disappointment that I feel towards myself .

I was blessed to be in this world . Friends are being a dear , giving every effort to comfort me , family , being supportive .

But sadly I cannot live up to what I want to be ; and I did not adhere to the principles I once held firm .

a new beginning ♥

HELLO PEOPLE OF THE WORLD ! ♥

& yes , i'm using the same URL , just a whole new start to everything :)

I do realize how much I've abandoned this baby , and hopefully , i shan't again :)
*crosses finger behind my back*

YES , SPM is over for most of you . Although chinese is yet to be done with , I'm pretty much merdeka-fied right now :) I can't believe high school is over , or about to be over after chinese , in some of our case =/

I think if I allow myself to dwell on it long enough , I'll cry =/
I miss all my babes & hunks already .
and in some cases , the in-betweens :)

Before I get all emotional , i shall post about the papers first :)
[oh wait , that might get me emotional too]

BM
- well , i think i did my best , but like they say , malay is something you can't predict .
i crammed in all the peribahasa that my brain could squeeze out after 5 years of learning .
The day before I had a scare when everyone said you must at least have one in every paragraph to get an A . I was like , !#$%^&^&^ NEVER HEAR BEFORE ONE !
And needless to say , i squeezed out every inch i could .
*pats brain* you poor , poor thing .
I wrote about the upbringing thingymajiggy .

HISTORY
- Pakatan Murni came out ! Which was a blessing , as Turki Uthmaniyah came out as well . But i screwed up my structure . First one , anyway . The adat temenggung and perpatih thing , i totally didnt know i was supposed to put that in - this is what you get when you depend on notes for history . Fingers crossed , perhaps ?

ENGLISH
- I wrote this damn emo essay on beauty , being super hypocritical , making me sound like i abhor beauty so much . I wrote a monologue , mostly , on different perceptions of beauty in the world , and how i dont see why its called beautiful . I basically spent my whole life searching for beauty , yet i couldn't . And *choychoychoytouchwoodthisisastory* i finally found it when I saw my mom lying on the hospital bed , imperfections that i never noticed before , surfacing .
And I saw beauty , finally , when i noticed the imperfections .
I think if I get A B , its probably because the fella thought i was depressed or something .

MATHS
- Hmmmm :) fingers crossed !

EST
- Friction ? Aih , hopefully I get an A la :)

ADDMATHS
- okay , but the BALL the BALL the &*^&*& BALL !

MORAL
- I feel like such a hypocrit weih . But nevertheless , remembering the definisi's word by word paid off :)

BIOLOGY
- I ♥ biology . Need I say more ? :)

PHYSICS
- I think this was the best physics I did so far . But I have a funny feeling - I'm not that confident about the A in this one . Solenoid came out !
I damn hero weih . Right before paper 3 , I told candice & the rest " I'll kiss the floor if solenoid comes out man . I'll kiss the school !"

-____-

they gave me discount . I kissed the chair .

CHEMISTRY
- I think , I think I did okay . The best chemistry paper too ! I think the minimum I can get should be around 60 . Electrolysis basically saved my life . :)

ENGLISH LITERATURE
- I could finish the paper , but i found my analysis pretty mediocre - and i know im getting an indian marker . Howhowhow ? Fingers crossed .

CHINESE
- gooooo dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee la you =/
WAIT WAIT . haven't yet . I'll be extremely cina-fied from now on , kayh ? *bats eyelashes*

Anyways , I can't believe I didnt go out . Long story :)

A break from the soon to come hassle =/
I'm working on a holiday project , my own website :)

DAMAI LAUT , here I come !

♥ rin